“How are you complicit in creating the conditions of your life that you say you don’t want?”

This question, in Jerry Colonna’s recent book, “Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up” leapt off the page and grabbed me by the throat. Its provocation has been with me for weeks now, begging me to think deeply about exactly where and how I’m spending my energy.

When it comes to “energy management,” I have two guiding principles:

1. Don’t waste energy on things you can’t really change, and
2. Don’t withhold energy where it could really make a difference.

[I won’t expound on the first point, as I’ve already spoken to it in an earlier blog post https://www.danagallagher.com/the-bad-leadership-chronicles-people-rising/.]

Undoubtedly, it can be challenging to not do something, because it means both restraining yourself and re-directing pulsing energy. Here’s an example of what I mean:

Like you, I have been extremely concerned about the state of our nation, and as a result I have made a concerted effort to be better informed, and to raise my voice. For awhile, I screamed at the news, then I stopped watching it, then I realized I needed to know what’s going on and somehow DO something.

So I’ve subscribed to multiple reliable news sources that I read daily, I’ve increased my donations to worthy organizations, and I’ve signed countless petitions and written to my elected officials. Basically, I have become a more active citizen because what I don’t want is to lose democracy.

But here’s the rub. Sometimes, I’m asked to call my elected officials, and…I don’t do it. Why? Because I hate talking on the phone. Even for a minute. Even with a script. It jangles me and makes me uncomfortable, so I just don’t do it–even though it has been shown that a phone call to a congressional office has more impact than an email, and even though I want to make a difference!

This is small, and probably will not make or break US democracy, but it is one way I am being complicit with the things I say I don’t want. And underneath this, honestly, is that I want democracy–but I don’t want it to take me too far out of my comfort zone or “cost” me too much.

This is where the brilliant question, “How are you complicit in creating the conditions of your life that you say you don’t want?” has potential power. If you and I are willing to ask ourselves that question with rigorous honesty, we start to see where we are not bold enough or committed enough to wield energy in an impactful way.

In case my previous example doesn’t resonate, here are a couple of others:

•I say that I want to have better posture and be more flexible, but I won’t do my preventive home stretching program until I’m in pain.

•I say that I want to have a richer community, but I decline social invitations and avoid group activities.

In professional settings, I’ve seen teams say they want to create psychological safety, but they won’t tell each other the truth about what’s standing in the way. Or, leaders say they need their team’s support to make a big change, but they won’t let go of the reins and let people participate in making it so.

Does all this “saying one thing, but doing another” mean that we’re bad people? No.

Still, it is one thing to say you want something and another to align your behavior to achieve it. If you are not clear about what you really want, and then doing everything within your power to achieve it, you are mis-managing your energy.

For weeks now, I’ve been mulling what it is I truly want to do and be at this juncture of my life, in this moment in human history. And maybe even more importantly, I’ve been assessing my willingness to restrain wasteful actions, and to unleash my energy in a focused, positive way.

I haven’t landed on my final answers yet. I am wrestling with nuanced questions about not only what matters, but how much it matters–and whether I am willing to live with the consequences of my complicity.

Even though there are many arenas in which I’m considering the question, and I don’t know what I will ultimately choose, I do know one thing for sure. Identifying, deciding, and becoming active “where you are complicit with the things you say you don’t want” will lead you to masterful use of your energy.

*VUCA=Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous