“What did you DO?”

I often get asked this question, admiringly, by clients who think that I have somehow worked magic in an intractably difficult workplace. As flattering as that may seem, here’s the thing:  9 times out of 10 I haven’t “done” anything.

I’m not being humble. Truly, it is not that I pulled some Super Secret Consultant Trick out of my wizard hat. Instead, it is that the people in the situation are looking with different eyes. Negativity and stasis is being replaced with hope and movement. The “disaster” starts to look workable.

And it looks like I am responsible.

I’m not so modest as to think my skills and presence are without value. My often naive (but sometimes important) questions help people to step away from their usual thought patterns and see their situation from a different perspective. They take great care to explain to me what they want me to understand. In a way, it is like showing your town to visiting relatives–in the showing of what you are familiar with (and maybe take for granted), you start to see and appreciate things anew.

Therefore, I’m sure that one of my main “value adds” to any workplace is this: I don’t work there. And because I don’t work there, I don’t know that John is a loser or Janae is a bully. I don’t know that Miki is a legend in her own mind or that Martin is a liar. Nor do I know that this has always been true and always will be true about these people.

I look through fresh eyes. And you can, too.

Just for today, when you feel the inner “eye roll” coming on about a repetitive challenge with a colleague, try exercising some detachment. One way to exercise detachment is to stop thinking you know what the other person is thinking or doing. Instead, ask a question. Like, “how does this look to you?” or “what concerns you most about this?”

Another way to exercise detachment is to stop exercising attachment. When you gossip about John and Janae, you’re attaching to your story about them. When you can’t wait to get with your best work buddy and speculate about Miki and Martin, you’re attaching to and reinforcing old thoughts. And the more you think them, the more entrenched they become.

Just for today, let’s hit the reset button. Let’s get out there and see what we can see with fresh eyes.